William Hague, Foreign Secretary, baldy fucking wankhand and ex Conservative Party leader has romped home in first place in this months Cunt Award. It was touch and go for a bit, Lord Seb Coe was right behind him with a nose up his ringer but then William, the gormless cunt of a Yes man, dashed off into the lead by virtually inciting a war with another nation.
For a start lets have a quick look at this fuckwits credentials shall we? He started his career as being that cunt kid who adults thought was great because he was really interested in politics and they thought they could just shove him onto the stage at a Party Conference and pretend that they were down with the kids. Only this fuckwit was more like down syndrome with the kids. He got himself voted into position of President of the Oxford Conservative Association, which is much like being voted as the wanker with the quickest wrist action at a Pull One Off competition. He won on the grounds that he’d clean up the whole voting process and get rid of any back scratching elitism…And then promptly got caught rigging an election to get his mate a position too, literally caught stuffing false ballots into a box. He’d earned his cunt wings, which automatically qualified him to join the UK Parliament.
Time rolls by and baldyilocks gets himself voted as leader of the Conservative Party, nobody thinks to check if he’s been up to his old tricks again, but the geriatric cunts he’s up against are probably too old to give a fuck anyways. He leads his Party to one of the most devastating defeats in the history of British Politics. He is confounded by this result as he was sure that by telling the nation he used to swill fourteen pints of bitter a day as a kid would win him the vote of the ‘Normal Man’. It didn’t. They still thought he was dicksplash. He bows out of his leadership as gracefully as is possible after being creamed on more then a bukkake babe on a busman’s holiday.
Which leads us to the present day, the UK’s current leaders well known for their ‘Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full sir’ attitude, decide that this fucking bumbling buffoon is just the type of Oxford churned out failure that the nation needs to represent them on the international stage. When America get it’s panties in a twist because some Aussie fellow exposes all their double dealings, lies and criminal activities, they immediately insist that he his brought to them so that they can dole out their own brand of justice… Which is torture (TM).
But they already have egg on their faces, they can’t risk looking anymore like that Bukkake babe and so they call upon Sweden and the UK to sort out this little mess for them. Sweden tow the line by trying to question him for allegedly not putting a cum bag on his bellend.. not once but twice…Filthy Aussie Bareback Rider. Anywhere else in the world this would be called ‘Fucking without a Spermsack’. In Sweden they call it rape. Sweden, a nation that was voted the fourth in the world on a recent Democracy Index, suddenly wants to extradite a man just because he hates the smell of burning rubber. Now the UK steps up to the plate.
UK Govt: Oi Aussie! You’re gonna have to fuck off to Sweden to answer tough questions about why you spunked up two birds.
Aussie: That’s doesn’t seem fair, what if they send me to America to get tortured?
UK Govt: Errrrr, America you say? Errrr we don’t know what your talking about, this is about cum bags isn’t it? *nervous shuffle of feet and wringing of hands*
Aussie: Well if it’s all the same with you, you lap dog lying cunts I think I’ll hang out in my mates Embassy for a bit.
UK Govt: Bollocks.
This is where Haguey Baby steps up to the plate, surely as our Foreign Minister and representative of our Great and Fair Nation he’s going to inject some common sense into the whole tawdry affair? No. No, he doesn’t. He threatens to invade the Embassy and take the Aussie prisoner instead. Fuck International Law. Fuck that every embassy worldwide would become a legitimate target for attack from every passing fucknugget terrosist. Fuck that it makes the UK look like a petulant bullied child in front of the watching world. What a duplicitous bitch whipped Cunt.