This weeks’ ankle holders are likely to be a controversial choice and may even be a cause of contention. I never said bumming people with this stick was easy and sometimes I may just have to man up and make those difficult choices.
Invisible, lurking, blushingly shy readers of my blog, you know who you are.
You sit there bathed in the unnatural light projected from your computer screen, smirking and, god forbid, maybe even relishing in a tightly controlled chuckle as you read my gibberish and the comments of the brave and the bold. Terrified to leave the cosy protection of your anonymity and venture into the minefield of terror that is a blog sites comments section, you lurk there in the metaphorical shadows safe in the knowledge that you can read away to your hearts content, free of the burden of input.
Nervous fingers hover over a keyboard that quivers in anticipation as you so very nearly complete the signing up process… but no! What would I say? What if nobody likes me? What if i’m mocked? What if I just wait until tomorrow I can still read if I want can’t I?! Of course you can dear reader, in fact I’d much rather you read and didn’t comment then just fucked off completely, but I do worry about your pride and sense of self worth. I mean if you’re to nervous too talk (in a totally virtual environment mind) to a bunch of wankgrenades how will you ever cope with face to face human interactions?!
Now this may not be the best way to tempt you all out and no doubt some of the current crop of virile, cock hardening commenters’ will have something to say about me scaring off potential converts with this stick, but really examine the process going on here and I think you’ll agree that you all deserve this. Now then… touch your toes.. that’s right…pull down those tasty little cotton numbers… now use those flaccid should be typing fingers to prise it all the way open… and prepared to be bummed…With a stick…Bummed by a MASSIVE STICK.
Sorry about this guys, but I’m going to have to borrow the stick for my own personal use again. I promise it will be returned to be employed for the good of all next week.
Big titted pramface office receptionist naked in my bedroom, you know who you are.
She’s only recently had a baby and is still breastfeeding the little sprog, hence the massive, enticing, wobbolicious, irresistible funbags hanging off the front of her. She has embarked on a dangerous level of flirtation that has led to her being splayed out on my bedroom floor. There has been some heavy foreplay taking place and I’m in another world as i’m slapping, twisting and nipping on the perfect pair of knorks hanging over my face.
Next thing I know I’m being sprayed by what feels like approximately two litres of milk, I mean completely fucking drenched. I’m up for a bit semi-skimmed loving, so this in itself is not enough for me to go reaching for my stick, but the titty little slut squirted a load in my eye and is now laughing it up at my expense. Laughing in that hysterical manner which conceals an intense embarrassment, all the while completely ignoring the fact that my seed is still in my nuts and not on her milk bags as has been promised. I know some folk like the old Cravendale shower, but I’ve had a fucking ’nuff of this.
‘Hmmmm what love?’…This thing?….It’s just my bumming stick….. a bumming stick… for bumming people with…Yeah I know it’s big…. do me a favour will you… can you just bend down and grab my butt plug from under the bed?… hehe take this bitch!…I’m going to bum you….with this stick…Yes, this MASSIVE stick.
Posh mums at schools, you know who you are.
You’re not even proper posh, you just want to be the most popular parent. Your child has to be the best, you get on with the teachers and know them by their first names. Your intimate circle of friends all have children who go to the same school as your pretentious little cunt and they all look to you for inspiration. You are attempting to live life through your child because deep down you feel resentful that your life and cock holster have been bent out of shape by their arrival in this world.
You look down your nose at those who don’t conform with your own view of you. You haughtily state your misguided preconception about parenting to any poor sod foolish enough to be pretending to listen to you. You dress like a middle-aged slut who needs some excitement in her life because the hubby is out fucking whores rather than knobbing your sack like pussy.
Middle Class, Middle of the Road, mind numbingly average fucksacks, all of them. Bend over mothers, use your bright red false fingernails to prise open that uptight ringer of yours and prepare to be bummed. With a stick. Bummed by a MASSIVE STICK.