Tag Archives: bumming stick

Weekly Bumming Stick

Ok Guys after last weeks premature use of the stick in what can only be described as an act of personal gain, I am happy to return the Bumming Stick to its’ original purpose.

Christian hoteliers and Happy go lucky bummers duking it out in court, you know who you are.

So in the left corner we have a deluded Christian couple who hate gays and won’t let them share a room and in the right corner a couple of shirt lifters who feel that their delicate girl feelings have been hurt.

In their defence the hoteliers are so blinded by their belief in fairytales that they won’t let any unmarried couple share a room, also it’s their fucking hotel surely it’s up to them to decide who stays in their rooms right? Wrong! According to a court of law, that’s discriminatory.

In the homosexuals’ defence we live in a progressive society where a persons worth is not determined by their sexual preferences and leanings. Each person should be judged, not by who they love but by their capacity to love. I mean fuck me where is this hotel…1842?!

So the court ruled a clear winner in favour of Mr & Mr bummer. But Wait! M’honour if I may interject? There are no winners here just two pairs of cunts, who have been hijacked by the Christian Institutes’ and Equality and Human Rights Commisions’ ongoing feud. Both of the these cunt filled institutions are basically pickpocketing the public coffers to engage in their pointless, frivolous never ending war of attrition.

Right you lot! If you’d all like to take your positions, drop your pants, grab your ankles and …. wait!  oi Mr & Mr Bender, that was a little too quick for my liking, this isn’t really a punishment for you two is it?!… hey get off my stick…Stop bumming each other with it….oh fuck ’em leave ’em to it, either way they’ve all been bummed with a MASSIVE stick..


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Weekly Bumming Stick

Sorry about this guys, but I’m going to have to borrow the stick for my own personal use again. I promise it will be returned to be employed for the good of all next week.

Big titted pramface office receptionist naked in my bedroom, you know who you are.

She’s only recently had a baby and is still breastfeeding the little sprog, hence the massive, enticing, wobbolicious, irresistible funbags hanging off the front of her. She has embarked on a dangerous level of flirtation that has led to her being splayed out on my bedroom floor. There has been some heavy foreplay taking place and I’m in another world as i’m slapping, twisting and nipping on the perfect pair of knorks hanging over my face.

Next thing I know I’m being sprayed by what feels like approximately two litres of milk, I mean completely fucking drenched. I’m up for a bit semi-skimmed loving, so this in itself is not enough for me to go reaching for my stick, but the titty little slut squirted a load in my eye and is now laughing it up at my expense. Laughing in that hysterical manner which conceals an intense embarrassment, all the while completely ignoring the fact that my seed is still in my nuts and not on her milk bags as has been promised. I know some folk like the old Cravendale shower, but I’ve had a fucking ’nuff of this.

‘Hmmmm what love?’…This thing?….It’s just my bumming stick….. a bumming stick… for bumming people with…Yeah I know it’s big…. do me a favour will you… can you just bend down and grab my butt plug from under the bed?… hehe take this bitch!…I’m going to bum you….with this stick…Yes, this MASSIVE stick.


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Weekly Bumming Stick

The stick has been resting over the festive season, but I have been giving it a good old varnish and I even polished it with a touch of grapeseed oil to make sure that the years bumming starts smoothly.

Nameless, faceless, bullying policefucks of Grimsby, you know who you are.

You sit patiently, silently stalking your prey with your camera speed capture system of authority. You eagerly anticipate catching your first speeding motorists, with the intention of fucking their day right up. If an elderly gentleman takes it upon himself to warn off your intended victims, you’ll pounce like a cougar. If he dares to answer back you’ll make sure all your law abiding buddies fuck him over. That’ll teach him eh?

It will teach him that the police are a set of hapless cunts who despite the heroic actions of the many are constantly judged by the actions of the jobsworth, small minded minority.

You have cost the country, not just in cold hard cash but we have also lost a little more faith in justice, all so you could prove a point you stupid, ballless fucksacks. I don’t give a fuck if you’re wearing your uniform, I will still smash you about your helmeted head with your own police ‘beat stick’. I will then pull down your standard issue police pants and use your own cuffs to hogtie you so that your wobbly flabby arse cheeks are dimpling in the cold winter air. I am going to take a run up because I think you all need this really badly. Wince in anticipation as I prepare to bum you. With a stick. Bum you with a MASSIVE STICK.

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Weekly Bumming Stick

When I first conceived the idea of a weekly bumming stick, I swore to myself that I would never use the stick to further my own petty desires, I vowed that I would only ever use it in the name of justice and honour, well that’s flown right out of the cunting window.

Stood at the front of the queue for the train ticket machine man, you know who you are.

You’ve got a briefcase in one hand, your I-phone in the other, you’re bleating away to some cunt about how you’ve never used one of these machines before and how you don’t know what to do. You look like an intelligent man, you’ve got a briefcase for starters, your suit is a classy looking number and you clearly speak English, so just read the fucking screen you mind bogglingly annoying briefcase wanker!

Some folk are desperately pleading to a higher being to strike you the fuck down with a bolt of lightning so we can catch the fucking train, but no wait!

I’d much rather smash your fucking head into that screen, before kicking your legs out from underneath you. Whilst on the floor I will grab your silken Armani enwrapped bollocks and squeeze until you squeal. With a practiced flourish I will de-keg you and force you to use those metrosexually manicured fingers to hold open your arsehole. Then I will bum you. With a stick. Bum you with a MASSIVE STICK.

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Weekly Bumming Stick

Posh mums at schools, you know who you are.

You’re not even proper posh, you just want to be the most popular parent. Your child has to be the best, you get on with the teachers and know them by their first names. Your intimate circle of friends all have children who go to the same school as your pretentious little cunt and they all look to you for inspiration. You are attempting to live life through your child because deep down you feel resentful that your life and cock holster have been bent out of shape by their arrival in this world.

You look down your nose at those who don’t conform with your own view of you. You haughtily state your misguided preconception about parenting to any poor sod foolish enough to be pretending to listen to you. You dress like a middle-aged slut who needs some excitement in her life because the hubby is out fucking whores rather than knobbing your sack like pussy.

Middle Class, Middle of the Road, mind numbingly average fucksacks, all of them. Bend over mothers, use your bright red false fingernails to prise open that uptight ringer of yours and prepare to be bummed. With a stick. Bummed by a MASSIVE STICK.


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