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Jizz on a Journo – Leaky Holes

This one has been brewing for a while but due to recent events it has only just been turned into a media farce with attending fucking clown music. Julian Assange many moons ago made a few absolute cunts look like… absolute cunts in front of the watching world. Those who silently stalk the Halls of Power were suddenly thrust into the spotlight of International renown, everybody suddenly knew every word the horrible snarky fuckers had been whispering behind closed doors for years. Peoples suspicions were finally justified. We are being led around by the noses by a bunch of untrustworthy compulsive liars intent on feathering their own nests at the expense of those they swore to serve. Those fuckers who have been exposed go into a shock of self-righteous indignation and immediately try to cover their cock and balls with their big wobbly gratuity taking jazz bands.

Senator Cunt – ‘Hey this isn’t fucking fair! If I’d known people were going to hear what I said, I wouldn’t have fucking said it would I?!’

Jizzed up Journalist – ‘Look, I’d like to help you you Cunt. I really would. But I have news to sell and you looking like a two faced fuckpig in front of the World is big news right now. So unfuckinglucky.’

Senator Cunt – ‘What if I said that peoples lives were being endangered by them knowing too much truth?’

Jizzed up Journalist – ‘You’re preaching to the converted mate, I’ve been lying to the gullible fuckwits for years. But to answer your question. No. We’re still going to print whichever bits we think will sell more papers.’

Now everybody knows that politicians have extreme phobia of journalists or Fallicouscuntaphoboia to give it its proper scientific name. I mean why wouldn’t they be, those are the only shits known on the face of the planet who can out lie them. Unable to comprehend that any of this was their fault, they do what they do best, they set out to use some patsys’ to character assassinate the grassing Aussie shitface who stitched them up in the first place.

Senator Cunt – Hello, is that Sweden?

Police Constable Swede – Hej, how can I help you?

Senator Cunt – I need a favour, some prickster, whistle blowing, descendant of a convict has dropped me right in the shit. Any chance you can do him for rape?

Police Constable Swede – But he hasn’t, you know, raped anyone? The girls, they keep changing their stories, turns out they wanted his cock in them after all?

Senator Cunt – For fuck sake! He spunked up someone isn’t that enough?!

Police Constable Swede – Well if you insist, I’m sure we can rustle up some bollocks. You promise we wont come out of this looking like cunts who do your every bidding?

Senator Cunt – Of course I’m sure. Now Fucking Do It!

So Sweden now wants to speak to Assasnge regarding one torn jonny and one jonny that never turned up to play. That’s right they’re not charging him with anything, they just want a friendly little chat. This bothers the media not a jot, they sense a controversy in the making so they switch sides back to their Lords and Masters and start calling the hapless Aussie names. Rapist, sexual deviant, sex offender etc being the pick of the bunch. Sounds like my CV.

Assange quite reasonably asks Sweden to promise that, should he return there to help with their spunk sack enquiries, that they wont hand him over to the Americans who are drooling at the mouth with the thought of water boarding the Tell Tale Tit. ‘No can do I’m afraid and hey if you don’t like it maybe you’ll think twice before cream pieing in a Swede again eh Rolf?’ is the response he gets. With panic mode engaged he turns to the only people who are willing to help him. Ecuador. Yes. Ecuador.

Assange – Any chance I can hole up with you guys for a bit, Sweden are after me on behalf of their American sponsors?

Ecuador Ambassador – Hmmm it depends, what they wan’ you for?

Assange – I artex’d two birds cervix with my man paste.

Ecuador Ambassador – In that case…. Welcome! In Ecuador cock spewing up a senorita is a National pastime!

This disturbs America as Ecuador are one of those annoying little nations who wont allow themselves to be bullied, so instead they lean on the UK, who are notorious brown nosed lap dogs, to do something about it. The same Government who have been unable to eject a hook handed, fundamentalist, hate inciting, jihadist who regularly calls for the death of all British Infidels, for going on nearly three years are able to cook something up in mere days for a Swedish condom faux pas. In fact, the Brits get so annoyed at Assange’s bare backed antics that they threaten to do a repeat of the old Iranian Embassy number on Ecuador should they not play ball.

We have a stalemate. The Swedes won’t come to England to ask Assange if he really did get to fuck two birds whilst he was over there and does he know if they have any single mates? Assange wont come out to play because the UK have said the second he does it’s off to the good old U.S of A via Sweden with him for a nice bit of torture. They didn’t exactly say this, but they’re shit liars so it’s easy to read between the lines. The UK has had to admit that storming the Embassy was probably a bad idea, but that when they see Assange their going to get him. Get him good.

Stalemate is no good for our jizzed on journalists, they need more drama. ‘Whistle blowing Assange is a rapist’ they tell us, ‘he put lives in danger by forcing us to print all his revelations. People could have been hurt by those secrets coming out like that and whose fault is that?’ Well it can’t possibly be the media who made sure all the leaks obtained maximum exposure, likewise the people who actually carried out these dark deeds must also be innocent, after all it was all done in the name of God and Country. No. It’s that cocky Australian cunts fault.

So you two faced peddlers of deceit, every single one of you who has had a hand to play in this whole sorry affair, get your arm bands on and dive into this massive pool of fetid seamen and paddle like you’ve never paddled before, bathe in my cum you cunts.

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