Cunt of the Month


Diana, Princess of Hearts, the Peoples’ Princess, fuckpiece to the rich and famous and now deceased treacherous mother to a future King, has won a posthumous Cunt Award in the first Cunt of the Month of my resurrected blog. Yes, I know she’s dead. Yes, I know it’s hardily the most satirical of cunts, but blame the pair of shrivelled old nearly corpses I heard banging on about how fucking perfect she was on the train this morning.

There seems to be some kind of mass delusion in the UK that Princess Blinky was some sort of inspirational icon for the country, so much so,  that with a little internet research I discovered that the coiffured tart somehow even managed to get herself voted into 3rd place as the greatest ever Briton! That’s right….3rd. She beat (amongst others) Shakespeare, Newton and Darwin.

‘Could I interest you in a little Hamlet or perhaps Sir would prefer the grand Theories of Gravity and Evolution?’

‘Nah thanks we’d rather have the former fuck hole of a flap eared doddering Prince, a universally despised ginger cunt solider and a knob head rugby player thanks very muchly.’ Bray the unimaginative fuckpigs who must have voted for the dead, bouffant wearing, moron shagger.

‘Ohhh but she did a lot for charity’ would be the typical defence of the Princess of Tarts. Yes, she did didn’t she, but to be fair she wasn’t doing a lot else was she? In fact the great British public, fucking hated her when she was alive, the mock revolutionary republicans and socialists complained just as bitterly about the public funding of her lifestyle as they did for the rest of the Royal Family. ‘Look at her in yet another designer frock whilst tramps are wearing bin bags,’ they’d bitch, or ‘Oh look its ok for her to go to a ballroom dance whilst one legged people have to make do with a quick shuffle in the streets isn’t it?’

It’s only when she died in Paris with Dodo Al’Harrod, that everyone started believing the fallacy which the media quickly implanted into their heads…

‘I loved Diana, did you love Diana? Everybody loved Diana? She did a lot for charity, didn’t she?’

I didn’t love Diana, famous for AIDS kissing she might have been but I used to find her type of media whoring almost as saccharine as her real whoring. Every time some African was wheeled out with no legs, she’d jemmy her way into the camera shot, batting her eyelashes and looking all coquettishly at the camera.

No Legged African Minor – ‘Oh no my legs have been maimed in a horrific landmine accident’

Doctor – ‘Don’t worry we’ve got this blonde winky women to come and give you a kiss, so everything should be ok now.’

Remember the candour of her interview where she weepingly told the nation how horrible it had been for her, married to a rich Prince who didn’t love her, but still showered her with money, gifts and publicity (not to mention showering her womb with future kings too). ‘He didn’t love me and everyone knew he was secretly fucking a horse’. Key word. Secretly. How secret were her torrid affairs with Major James Hewitt and Will Carling et al, about as private as a public dogging session on the hard shoulder of M1 is the answer. Fuck me, it turns out that young Prince Nazi might even be Major James Fuckwitts’ right royal bastard!

To be fair, she wouldn’t normally deserve a Cunt Award, especially since she’s copped it an’ all, but the sanctimonious prattling of the Nation needs to be addressed. If I could award every cunt who thought that this cunt wasn’t a cunt the Cunt Award I would… but I can’t…So she’s a cunt.

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