Cunt of The Month


Hosni Mubarak longest ever serving President Elect of Egypt and fucking annoying-won’t-leave-guest at cocktail party’s wins this months’ cunt award on the basis that the stubborn cunt is lingering around like the noxious release of intestinal gasses on the morning after eating a four cheese cauliflower bake.

‘Fuck off you freedom threatening despotic election rigging cunt!’ screams a frustrated nation of oppressed huddled masses, ‘Yeah ok I will…. in seven months, I just want to finish watching this TV programme first, it’s my favourite.’  The arrogance of this power hungry cunt is surpassed only by his sense of self preservation. I don’t give a fuck about proper processes and legal procedures if I had an entire nation telling me to go and stick my Just For Men daubed Dracula inspired head up my own ringer, I ‘d probably get the message. Whilst television images of his people enraged by his clingy on attitude and incensed to the point of rioting with the now habitual wailing and gnashing of teeth accompanied by flip flop waving are broadcast into his golden encrusted palace, he blithely carries on as if it’s just another Sunday in Paradise.

El Presidente – ‘Ok Look, I’ll tell you what I’ll do, I’ll leave in seven months.’ 

Baying Mob – ‘No fuck off now you fucking invalid.’

El Presidente – ‘Alright what if I promise not to do anything and let the Vice President rule… can I stay then?’

Baying Mob – ‘No just fuck off Count Fuckyoula, we fucking hate you, you fuckpig!’

El Presidente – ‘Ok I hear you, I hear you… What you’re really trying to say is stay a bit longer isn’t it, I can read between the lines you know’

Baying Mob – ‘Fuck me, what a cunt.’

I can hear the frustrated cries now, ‘But Motherfucker, this cunt is an obvious cunt, why’d it take you so long to crown him Cunt of the Month?!’  The problem is that this tyrannical, Machiavellian extra from the Adams family has managed something that only a select handful of politicians and a scattering of holy men throughout the ages have ever managed. Muslims and Christians have been seen holding hands, breaking bread and chanting arm in arm. Both religions showing each other respect, unified in their bitter contempt of an utter wankbag, acknowledging each others worth as Egyptians rather than letting their different interpretations of raving mad man stand between them. In one swift move of stubborn incalcitrance  this shady and deceitful pitiful excuse for a statesmen has done more for religions harmony in Egypt than all the eulogising of pedantic Priests and the ferocious tirades of irate Imans  could ever hope to instil. Hence my brief stall whilst I summed it all up, weighed the good and the bad so to speak.

Turns out he’s a massive cunt.

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