Santa, imaginary, gift dispensing paedo and part time Captain Birdseye look-a-like, has beaten off some keen competition to take this months Cunt Award. Yes, I am well aware that this cunt isn’t real, but the fucker is responsible for so much human misery that something needs to be done.
As parents we are tricked into thinking that our children need to believe in a housebreaking, bearded, old fuck who drops off pressies in order for them to enjoy the ‘magic’ of Christmas. ‘Oh don’t spoil the wonderment for them’ some wanker will spout, another might drivel, ‘oooh but it’s such a special time of year for kids’. They can go fuck themselves with one of St’ Nicks famously thick hairy fists as far as i am concerned. I spent two months wages on these little fuckpigs and now some invention of Coca Cola is walking away with the gratitude!? Not on my watch he fucking isn’t!
Long ago I told my own spunk products that he died in a horrific sleigh accident involving the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny. They weren’t wearing their seatbelts and so they all died in an ambulance on their way to Casualty. This gem of a tale served a few purposes: One, it allowed me to get away with Santa fucking off without explaining that society had been lying to them for four years, Two, I no longer have to slip .50p under their pillow everytime one of the little bastards looses a tooth. Three, maybe the little fuckers will put their seatbelts on without being told to five times now that their ‘hero’ croaked it in a similar manner.
‘But Daddy look he’s still alive!…Look look there’s his Grotto!’ No you blithely unaware shits, that is an old out of work man of questionable morals who is getting paid to talk shit to you and take my money. Fuck off you fake ball sucking kiddy toucher, ‘no you can’t have your photo taken with him for a fiver he’s a cunt.’
He is the socially acceptable icon that represents society’s willingness to mislead and lie to their children. He is the fun face on rank commercialism. He is the jovially obese symbol of paedoburglary.
Ho Ho Ho…..Cunt Cunt Cunt