Tips from a Twat


In this section I will offer advice to some poor cunt who is stupid and desperate enough to seek advice from a complete mofo.

My very fist desperate correspondent asks:

‘Girls always laugh at the size my cock; it hasn’t grown since I was seven years old. I’m lacking in confidence and this is ruining my sex life please help.’

First things first decimal dick, you can stop the laughter by having that prawn shoved into their disparaging gob as often as possible. If she’s rude enough to talk with food in her mouth, then she can take a few belts around the head to keep her in line too.

Secondly, try not fucking sluts with a cunt like a wizards sleeve; this will only acerbate the problem.

Thirdly and most importantly learn to use your mouth; you’re never going to impress anybody with your shrivelled little child’s cock so move
the loving upstairs comprende?

If YOU have a burning problem that you think only a mind as erudite and forward thinking as my own can resolve, feel free to send me a PM or leave details within this here comment section.

3 Comments

Filed under Tips from a Twat

3 responses to “Tips from a Twat

  1. jizzbomb

    Imamofo
    Could I ask your wise insighted advice
    ‘I fucking hate cats, and where I live there is loads of the little furry bastards, whats the best way to get rid of them…?? have you ever got rid of a cat on the secret…??’

  2. stetrasonic

    What is this supposed to be? Struggling to understand why making up queries is funny?

    Imamofo – is this your own issue? Do you have a shrimp dick?

  3. sterasonic – I’m sure you struggle trying to understand pretty much anything, you fuckpig cunt you. Given half the chance I bet you’d whip your finger length member out for a measuring match wouldn’t you?

    You were the type of little, faggoty, greasy uncool kid who used to watch all of your friends in the changing rooms with an all consuming and justifiable penis envy weren’t you?
    Stop watching cocks cockwatcher.

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